Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I'm not a machine after all

I am discovering that I’m not a machine. I thought I was, but it turns out I was sadly mistaken. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, it’s a little thing that serves as a wake up call. (Versus a big thing, or even a disastrous thing.) Some of you may remember these:

They’re my wrinkly Polish contracts that came over Christmas week and sat on my front steps, out in the rain, while I was away. I painstakingly dried and ironed them, then sent them back to my agent…without signing them. They showed up on my doorstep again today. (Side note: Thank you Meredith and Suzie for not including the “What the h*ll is wrong with you?” letter that I’m sure you were more than tempted to enclose.)

So…I have now signed them and will send them back tomorrow. But, I’ve realized that three jobs, two kids and a husband may be too much—which is really hard for me to admit. I’ve always been a ring-grabber. I finished my masters degree while working full time, and defended my thesis when I was nine months pregnant. Then, because it was one more ring to grab, I went back for my doctorate while still working full-time and raising two kids, even though I didn’t need a doctorate. But this silly little thing has made me think it may be time to reexamine and reprioritize.

Considering my husband is the only reason said kids are still alive, and CPS will come after me if I ditch the kids, I’m thinking a job might be on the chopping block. I could give up writing, but considering it's a obsession, bordering on an addiction, I'd probably have to go through some sort of behavior modification program, which would likely be very expensive. But, giving up a career that I’ve spent umpteen years building, and umpteen years before that going to school for, on the hope that I can sell more books is terrifying.

Excuse me while I go throw up…


  1. I hear ya: When I was in HS, I spent days organizing my finalized college app materials into OCD little stacks. Then I sent them all out--with unsigned checks for the app fees. (Yeah, it was back in the day before online apps.) Doy.

    Good luck with your decision making!

  2. Holy cow, Lisa! How on earth do you find time to write at all with a schedule like that? I can't imagine it. You must be some sort of She-Ra!! :-)

  3. Jeez Lisa, you're like my inspiration whenever I don't want to get off my arse and do something! I guess it depends on what's more important to you. If you can afford to do it, then go with the writing full time or maybe you could still do your old job part time or freelance? Good luck *hug*.

  4. You and I really need to sit down and talk about all this stuff. We have parallel lives, clearly the universe made us crit partners for a reason.

  5. Dear Lisa,

    If you ever quit writing books, YOU ARE DEAD MEAT.



  6. Thanks for the comments! You guys rock =)

  7. I haven't published a book yet, but such thoughts run through my mind--and scare me too! Sometimes I think of how great it would be to only write, but giving up a job I've spent years building gives me heart palpitations.